I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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