JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
