I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
