Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
