real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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