who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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