Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
