you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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