I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
