I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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