insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize