I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
