yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
