U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
