My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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