Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
