you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
