On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
where does the pee come out of this thing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
