This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
