: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
