I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
did you just send me my own nude
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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