He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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