I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
