So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
