Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
