Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
