So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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