Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
worst night to have a conscience
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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