Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize