My underwear smells like fireworks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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