I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
