i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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