Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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