I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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