Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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