Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
