i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
