My Higher Power is John Stamos
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
