he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
