meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
