official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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