shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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