Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize