Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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