Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
