Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize