So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize