If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
