So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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