my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
