I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
