There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
