nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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