Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
