I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
