you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My penis needs a shock collar
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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