i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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