hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
