i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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