Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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