im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
