Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize