Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think i have two assholes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
