I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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