Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
