It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
