Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
