so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
