home. puking in laundry basket.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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