well I can't set my house on fire every night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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