why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
