You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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