Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
