great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
