She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
