Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize