Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
