I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
