Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
