I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ate ashes out of my bong
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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