...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
