Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
