I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm passing your future prison.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
