i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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