I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
