fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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