apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
