If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i dont even know how to be here
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
