So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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