you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize