I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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