I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
