Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
