yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
