God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The best revenge is premature balding
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
