Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
