My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize