Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
