Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So vagazzling was a success
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
