No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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