my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
